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I never wanted children. I never played with dolls; I never coddled them or wanted to take care of them. I cut their hair real short and made them have lesbian sex. I made them have threesomes with other stuffed animals and drape them with ridiculous outfits. I’d open them and re-stuff them, hold them…… Continue reading Untitled

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Why do we look like all the great loves? he asks as we fall asleep.   I love this man.   LOVE.   Why must I have an office job instead of being at my grimy soft studio apartment next to the one I love?   I should be churning out writing while he churns…… Continue reading Untitled

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Someone should’ve asked me if I wanted to be born. It’s not fair to come out your mother’s belly without a clue, without being able to walk and gather berries. Without having to suckle her breasts for too long before you can suck on some other nectar. I’ve had friends who claim to remember being…… Continue reading Untitled

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As I write this, things are not right. As I write this, things are amazing. Things are in flux constantly and I can’t help but feel that they will continue to be until I kill that voice in my head that reminds me that I’m no good. That everything I’ve gathered I don’t deserve. But…… Continue reading Untitled

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How many times have you come back around? I feel like I’ve been here enough times to realize that certain people will become some sort of test. Nothing scholarly about it really, just a test of strength and compassion. I wasn’t blessed with a sculpted body, the kind men want to ejaculate on. I wasn’t…… Continue reading Untitled

old notes…old old notes

The weekends were delicious. I didn’t do much but sleep and eat or sometimes walk around Los Angeles at inappropriate times. I’d eat whatever was available in my pantry which was mostly rice and beans, peanut butter and jelly and the occasional instant miso soup. I’d usually wake up several times throughout the morning since…… Continue reading old notes…old old notes

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I have this full length mirror, a housewarming gift from a friend. It swivels up and down and it doesn’t stay put unless I lean it against a wall. I keep it dirty, full of dust, thwarting my very existence when I look at myself through it. I stay long periods of time looking at…… Continue reading Untitled

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  “Your pussy is magick.” he says between heavy wheezing. His asthma is acting up. We smoke too much.   We’ve been up for hours, talking. The way new lovers talk. Curiously. Drowsily. Heavily.   While the city sleeps, we make love. I haven’t slept right in weeks and last night was no different. I…… Continue reading Untitled

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I’m fertile right now. I can feel it in my mouth, my womb. There is something that wants to be birthed, and I’m not afraid. I need to level up. Invade this egg, this seed. Ask it questions.   Why the pain? Why me?   I watch the soldiers in trees, my haters. Snipers. In…… Continue reading Untitled