*At 21, I met a crossdresser whose mother was a prostitute and who lovingly fed my self-destruction. I was with him 6 years and in those 6 years I realized exactly what I didn’t want in a relationship. Important stuff. After we broke up, I mourned the time I had wasted and wished ill upon him like any healthy 26-year-old woman would. I played, ‘Good Day,” by The Dresden Dolls hundreds of times and claimed it as my anthem. I healed and thrived. I still know every single little note and nuance of this song and still get chills whenever I choose to play it, which is rare these days.
the state of our heart depends
on how long we’ve been aware.
we love as if we’ll never die,
we stay as if immortal.
no decades to
pretend,
mistakes are only that if you refuse to change.
hours turn to years and love spoils—choking —
mistakes are common, so are surgeries
twist your arm
until you bleed
there you’ll see,
the fire
there you’ll see
the craters
of all the other times
you’ve had to put yourself out
Notes of a Dirty Young Woman 