*I found Lila Downs when I went to watch “Frida,” at the theatre with a few friends. The soundtrack blew me away and I purchased it the very next day. I play it whenever I feel a major shift looming; whenever I feel I need some extra revving. One song from her “Pecados y Milagros,” caught my heart. It’s her interpretation of Pedro Infante’s song, I believe. So many times I’d tried talking to God. So many times I prayed. So many times I hoped and waited for answers, for anything. As I grew older, I realized that God was in the music that came to me. It was me that found God in the lyrics, it was me that transmuted my pain into whatever I wanted. More pain sometimes. Less pain. I am God. You are God. I don’t know how many times I’ve played this song—thousands probably. It still sends me flying and lights me on fire.
I kept my eyes open when they’d pray,
I wanted to see who else
was going to Hell—
starved on pews,
we pecked at unbleached bread and sipped tap water—
this couldn’t be the blood and body of Christ?
how is he so weak?
so idle in my mouth?
I flew home during congregation,
soft bed on my soft legs,
a conversation in my head,
of when and how to spread—
how else could he inject, all the context—?
wild passion asks compassion
how suffering is withering