Ego doesn’t live here anymore

I am not prejudice, racist, homophobic, sexist, transphobic or any other thing you can think of.

I hate everyone equally.

I spent $400 on food yesterday and was called “mad” by a customer behind me who swore she survived the Great Depression, even though she looked close to only being 50 years old.

People are stupid.

So many opinions and regurgitated news articles live in the empty mouth holes of most. Some, like me—stay quiet and do what needs to be done and goes home. Bakes a kumquat upside down cake and makes a pork lentil soup and eats. Watches ‘Planet of the Apes’ and ‘Contagion,’ and sleeps with the help of melatonin but it only manages to make me restless and so I eat a soft pillowy rice cake and cry and listen to the rain and think of this life and chant to myself, “we are only temporary, we are only temporary, we are only temporary,” until I fall asleep.

Wake up.

Look at my husband’s sleepy face as he prepares the coffee.

I offer him a slice of cake, he beams.

I want to tell him he is everything, instead I get a fork and hand him over a slice. He thanks me, I want to cry because love is the best thing I’ve ever tasted and now I taste it often.

I was asked, “are you scared?” via text yesterday.

I think I am.

I’m not sure yet.

I don’t want to be.

Mostly, I’m grateful for the opportunity to watch this unfold.

For the opportunity of living.

For everything.

I’m ready.

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