slow mourning

My whole approach to healing is a bit dated.

I need a new method.

Suggestions?

 

I don’t want to stay stuck in not knowing how to accept love; when will I learn?

Why is it so difficult? Why is love so hard to accept?

Why do we have to think of everything that has ever hurt us and project it on the new love that’s trying to reach us?

Why do we hurt ourselves this way?

Why do we feel as if somehow, we are not worthy of love?

Why do we feed this idea instead of starve it?

Personally, I don’t believe me lovable.

I feel like a walking mistake.

That if anyone decides to love me, there is something deeply wrong with them.

Most of the time, I compare myself with others. I pick myself apart and wonder how anyone could ever love something so tainted and sad.

The pieces, even separately, make no shape.

I feel in constant danger.

Most people were made better.

They are easier on the brain.

On the eyes.

But then I look around this apartment, and all I see is him.

Me.

Us.

Our walls are covered in our story.

We’re immortal.

I am so in love, it has become a threat.

This isn’t new.

This is ongoing.

I must practice what I preach.

I must stay focused.

But love keeps getting in the way.

That beautiful pesky thing that I can’t get enough of.

 

But I’m healing.

I have only some “minor adjustments” to make.

That’s all.

Just some minor adjustments.

 

 

 

 

2 Replies to “slow mourning”

  1. I find this always works in healing:
    Sit quietly. Silently. The brain chatter will slow.
    Ask your questions.
    Listen for answers.
    Be honest with yourself. You deserve honesty.
    Take notes.
    Good luck.

    Like

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