All I ate today was candy.
Work supplies us with a carnival of sugar. Candy so old sometimes, it resembles the potpourri in your grandma’s bathroom. I’m also close to bleeding, so every other thought that comes into my mind is either about how ugly I am, how unattractive I am, how miserable I feel, how humid it feels between my legs and how absolutely famished I am even though I just finished eating a handful of salted nuts, 5 Hershey’s kisses, a watermelon jolly rancher, a party sized kit-kat, 2 cups of coffee and a banana nut breakfast bar.
What am I?
Some sort of black hole of a human being? An infinite Universe who has her own moons, her own gravity? Why do I feel so heavy? Is it cause I carry the weight of my ancestors? Is it cause my soul encounters people who leave their residue inside me? Was it all of my lovers?
Is it the weight of the Universe that aches inside me? Why does my job supply us with such trash food? Maybe it’s the sugar? Of course it’s the sugar. But how can something that is made up of 12 atoms of carbon, 22 atoms of hydrogen, and 11 atoms of oxygen leave me feeling like I need to end my life?
I did however, take a walk during my lunch. Went to the Goodwill to find something cheap and worn to wear and go around acting as if it were new. There are infinite ways I pretend. Infinite ways that i try to be, in order to not be found out.